I haven’t felt this free in a long time. I’m going back to my roots as an Entrepreneur again, building a high growth-company and I’m bringing in investors. It’s so much fun! I hadn’t realized how much I’ve missed this world, while I was building methods, coaching and hanging out in the spiritual community. While it’s all been wonderful, this is where I need to be now. Yeah! The posts will gradually start reflecting that.
So this is it. Only 2 days before the end of this year. For me, it also feels like the end of an era, or to make it less dramatic, the end of a growth-phase. Above all, this year has been humbling, filled with revelations of how much I still have to work on, as a person, as a leader, and as a woman. At the same time, I’m so proud of myself that I no longer lie to myself to the same extent and that I’m much more prone to admit my shortcomings.
5 Top Things That Have Happened:
1. I’ve made a lot of progress with the Quickenings Game! YEAH!!! It’s so much fun! Imagine being able to create a moving fantasy novel+ build a conscious company, while all the while applying the method I’ve built the last ten years, and even bringing in elements from my last VC-funded adventure of 1999/2000. Now it’s fundraising-time, baby!
2. I have hired my first intern/employee, who’s turned out to be the missing link for everything I want to realize here in the US. I can’t express how grateful I am for having found her, or rather, been hunted down by her;-).
3. I’ve finished my 2-year intuitive/energy/clairvoyant training, which is one of the best investments I’ve ever made and the best education out there, period. The world would be a lot better if people learned how to mind their own energy and getting access to their own information, instead of seeking it on the outside.
4. While serving the Chamber the past 1,5 years, and many times cussing and tearing my hair in frustration and stress, I’ve also been able to see how much the Chamber has served me. I’m deeply grateful for having been allowed to lead, for having met many wonderful and truly remarkable people, and for having had this experience.
5. I’ve become less of a recluse, am making new friends, and am learning how to be a bit more ‘normal’ human being again;-), which also has led to that I’ve been called on my ‘s-t’, much more than I bargained for. But to be humbled is an awesome teacher, as I keep reminding myself.
5 Top Things that I’ve learned:
1.That I need to be closer to my spiritual side in order to be happy, but when I honor that call, I’m truly blissful. I’ve never been so happy as I am now.
2. That I don’t have to prove myself anymore, or at least, to a much lesser degree.
3. That I still have many moments where I flee, from myself and from the situation I’m in, instead of facing it right on.
4. That there is a red thread, a deeper meaning, with everything that happens, that keeps surprising me.
5. That I, still, take myself way too seriously!
5 Top Intentions for 2012:
1. To strive and effort less and have much more fun!
2. To dare to stay present, even when it sucks, and I really, really want to flee.
3. To keep peeling the onion, daring to be much more vulnerable and naked.
4. To develop my mindfulness and spiritual practice, as a student and as a teacher.
5. To stand up more for myself, yet at the same time, prioritize peace within.
To each and one of you reading this, I’m wishing you an amazing 2012! This coming year is going to be wicked good! So set the space together with your intentions, be with people who support you, that space and your intentions and celebrate!!! WOHOOO!!!
I just came across this poem by Tomas Tranströmer here (thanks Andrew Sullivan). And then I had to find it in Swedish, of course. Stunning in both English and in Swedish.
As the firefly ignites and fades, ignites and fades, we follow the flashes
of its flight in the dark among the olive trees.
Throughout those dismal months, my soul sat slumped and lifeless
but my body walked to yours.
The night sky was lowing.
We milked the cosmos secretly, and survived.
Under de dystra månaderna gnistrade mitt liv till
bara när jag älskade med dig.
Som eldsflugan tänds och slocknar, tänds och slocknar
- glimtvis kan man följa dess väg
i nattmörkret mellan olivträden.
Under de dystra månaderna satt själen hopsjunken
men kroppen gick raka vägen till dig.
Vi tjuvmjölkade kosmos och överlevde
Yesterday, I went to an event with 100 Women in Hedge Funds and learned from one of top people in the Hedge Fund world, Renee Haugerud. It was fascinating to hear her perspective on where the world economy is heading 20-50 years from now and what to invest in (tip: it’s all about commodities). What I appreciated the most about her talk, however, was her capacity to talk about heavy-duty complexity in such a succinct and encompassing way. And that she’s started an institute, originally called the Female Trading School, which teaches both women and men, how to trade using both the left and right brain.
Tonight, at a yoga class, I learned that tomorrow, Oct 28, is the last day of the Mayan Calendar. The new year, according to the Mayans, will be focused on authenticity and truth. And even though I haven’t bought into the 2012 end-of-the world story, I do believe that the world is going through a major transformation, on all levels, and that we’ve only seen the beginning yet. Not surprisingly, mirrored by the discussion a day earlier on the world economy.
Earlier today, I went to see Patti, my healer, and finally, hooray, Humpty-Dumpty (aka my mind, body and soul) is back in one piece. The combined pressure of the Chamber and the upcoming Eliason fundraiser, which I’ve been dreading since last year, and old thought patterns that traveled with me back from Sweden, felt like a dark veil that was choke-holding me. And now it’s all gone – Wohoo! It’s once again quiet up there and there is so much more space and light.
Furthermore, today, Marissa and I, made tons of progress with Quickenings ‘Jedi-Warrior’ Training Game and it’s going to be so WICKED good! Holy cow. Can’t wait!
My mantra for the coming 3 weeks (at least until Nov 18) is to say on the inhale: I’m here, and on the exhale: I’m home. Which is easier said then done. Because what I realized today after seeing Patti, is that while I’m serene as few as a coach and yoga teacher, most of the time (and in particular as a leader with deadlines), I’m a ‘worrywart’ (it’s such an unflattering term, huh;-)). But it is the honest truth. So my default position is to find a way to stress myself out. The only remedy is to tame the beast, focus on some goood loovin’, breathe and to stay friggin’ present! Ah. One day…:-).
Sorry for another lengthy radio silence. I’ve been traveling in Sweden, been jetlagged and inundated with work, while also starting up my new leadership training, and over all felt quite discombobulated (I love that word, the vowels are so ’round’ and cool;-)).
But last night I had an epiphany. I need to change the way I live right now.
I’ve been so immersed in the business world, in the chamber, 85 Broads, starting to raise money for the game (and learning the gaming world), traveling, Sweden itself, which has many virtues, but it runs on a low vibration and combined, they all contribute to pull me out of my soul. So does emotional eating as well as too much Hulu-watching, which are coping mechanisms for handling the above, but unfortunately add more fire to the fuel.
What happens when I lose my connection to my body and my soul is that I lose my magic and my energizer-bunny type of energy. I essentially lose myself, while the world turns into black and white static. And nothing, absolutely nothing! is worth that. I easily would choose giving up this LA-life and live on nothing in an Ashram in India, or as a Shaman in the Amazon, rather than losing my connection. I don’t need to be an entrepreneur, CEO or a business leader. It’s one way to make a difference. But I can’t live without soul or magic, and I know that living and teaching that is why I’m here.
Now, the good thing is that I believe that I don’t have to choose. But I have to really careful not to overdo the outer world, and to make sure to maintain my yoga practice on a daily basis, as well as my meditation practice. The clairvoyant meditation is great, but it works on a different level. Right now, I need to find the sacredness in everything again, which only happens when I’m in my physical yogic self.
So today, I’ve felt the magic return. It’s like a surge of ebullient and effervescent energy, climbing back up along the spine (kundalini rising, as it’s called in the yogic world). I’m truly blessed, on so many levels. I’ve reached a new level of clarity. I know what needs to come first. And I know what I need to change…The coming months will be interesting…
Life is beautiful and just as it should be.
It is said that there are 100 roads that lead to Rome. Yet non-linearity is still highly suspicious. In our left-brain world, we like to say that there is ONE road to Rome, ONE career path that will take us to a certain destination. If for no other reason than for our checkbooks, because being known in one field is still the easiest path to high income. Yet I find myself more and more at peace with a more right-brained, more feminine way of being in the world – the world of curves and wormholes.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been told. “Lotta, you need to focus. Do one thing. Don’t keep changing your mind – you come across as fickle.” Yet while I at times have stayed put for the sake of it, after a time, the urge, or rather, the call, to move forward, has taken me to a new place, sometimes forcing me to leave everything behind. And make no mistake. It has cost me financially, and sometimes emotionally as well, mostly because it takes a lot of energy to keep moving the ball forward. Yet, I have no regrets. Instead, everything is now falling into place because I’m embracing curves (on many levels:-)) as well as wormholes.
What’s happening now is more of an inclusion rather than leaving things behind. Suddenly, I can see how my work as the President of the Swedish-American Chamber of Commerce in LA is actually not a means to an end, but part of the bigger picture. I like helping companies and entrepreneurs thrive, especially those who think big, and it has provided me with a base and community I never even knew I was missing. At the same time, I also enjoy empowering women in business and leadership, this time through my leadership of 85 Broads here in SoCal. Incredibly satisfying being around women with strong business acumen, who also get a kick of supporting other women. And then my third world, which is where I’m putting most of my focus, which is turning the Quickenings model into a Jedi-Warrior computer game for leaders and thereby also creating an extended community for those who want to bring soulfulness to the business world. (I’m hereby confessing that I’m not only a fantasy-geek, I’m also a computer nerd;-)).
Coming back to my point of Curves and Wormholes. If someone had told me how long time it would take to figure out my path, I probably would have balked. I wouldn’t want to have known about all the ideas I would have to test and later discard. Yet, I believe that’s where the whole problem lies. This is really how everything evolves. Through trial and a lot of error. I believe if this curvier way of thinking was more accepted, and that utilizing the right brain wasn’t believed to be a sign of weakness, we would all be infinitely more happy and paradoxically also more successful, which leads me to the wormholes.
A wormhole, according to Wikipedia, “is a hypothetical topological feature of spacetime that would be, fundamentally, a “shortcut” through spacetime”. So, in short, being able to get from one point of the universe to another in a very unconventional way. If someone had told me a year ago who I would be today, how fast everything would have happened, and how many people I would be connected to, I wouldn’t have thought that possible and I certainly didn’t/couldn’t plan it. Yet that’s what so cool! When we step up and become leaders of ourselves and others, when we open up to and follow our intuition, and when we are operating more centered energetically, the real magic happens. We start jumping through wormholes that take us on shortcut through time and space, and we end up in a much better place than we ever could have orchestrated on our own. Pretty sweet deal. So embrace your curves, jump headfirst into the abyss, and enjoy the ride. It’s going to be a good one!
Lately, I’ve had a lot of discussions with people on what a Conscious Leader is. Some detest the word ‘conscious’, since it implies a superior position to those who are ‘non-conscious’. While I think it’s a valid point, I still believe that there is a clear distinction between a ‘conscious’ and a non-awake leader, if I can put it that way. A conscious leader to me is someone who has had some form of awakening, some form of Quickening, where they have started to see the world holistically, or as Caroline Myss puts it, views the world symbolically. They can see themselves and the part they are playing from above, being able to differentiate themselves from their smaller egos. They have reached that point where they try to do the right thing, not because it’s in book, or the law, but because it feels right, and they aspire to operate from their wiser parts of themselves, using their intuition as an important tool. If we use a maturity grid like Maslow’s hiearchy of needs, we are talking about those who have reached a level of self-realization. They operate from their hearts in conjunction with their intellect, their bodies and their soul. Of course, they are human, and they will fall, make mistakes, and very likely get caught up in their own stuff more often than not, including jealously, small-mindedness and greed etc, but the difference is that they are aware of what’s going on and they will learn from their mistakes.
This is the new ‘breed’ of leaders the world needs. Essentially more evolved human beings. Fallible, but evolving. Those who strive for becoming better human beings for as long as they live. As a society, we’ve already have reached a higher level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and for each generation, we will find more people who at least aspire to operate at this level. But what’s necessary now is to train more existing leaders as well as future potential leaders, who also understands the business world/politics/or whatever other world they inhibit. In essence, they need to be able to straddle both worlds and bring this consciousness into whatever they do. That’s what the world needs and those are the heroes/heroines that we are holding out for.